Irrational.

How do we human beings actually make decisions?

As survivors, sifting through the rubble of “what the hell happened to me?” we are often beleaguered with questions like:

How did I not see it sooner?
Why did I stay?
What was wrong with me?

To add insult to this personal injury, survivors of coercive control are often hit with this doozy of a question:

Why didn’t you just leave?

ARGH! I’ve often agreed with the sentiment, ‘there’s no such thing as a bad question’, but the cult educator in me loudly objects. Some questions are condescending. Some questions are downright harmful. So why do these same questions repeat themselves ad nauseam in the cult recovery world and beyond ?

Because most families, professionals, and whole cultures assume a dangerous myth: that healthy humans are rational, autonomous decision-makers who always recognize manipulation when it appears. As much as we want to believe this to be true, it just isn’t so! The work of polymath, Herbert Simon quietly dismantled that myth.

Simon, a Nobel Prize–winning scholar, introduced and developed the concept of bounded rationality to explain how we human beings actually make decisions. His insight was as simple as it is radical: people do not make choices with full information, unlimited time, or perfect clarity. People make choices under constraint. And we do the best we can with what we have.

Bounded rationality is the idea that rationality itself is limited when individuals are making decisions. And under limitations - for example, of incomplete information, and time pressures - individuals will select a decision that is satisfactory rather than optimal. This morning, I made a purchase for my website, but this afternoon, I was given more information, revealing a better choice. (Fortunately, I was able to make a correction.)

And here’s the kicker: cultic leaders and high-demand groups don’t just encounter bounded rationality—they manufacture it. They limit available information, they make outrageous demands on people’s time and energy and they generate complex, confusing narratives that might sound enlightened but are really nothing but word salad with a few lofty concepts thrown in.

Although Herbert Simon never studied cultic systems, when we apply his lens of bounded rationality onto a cultic system - we can see reality for what it is: members are making rational decisions inside an irrationally constrained environment - one that’s designed to control and manipulate.

In other words: the system is irrational. The human beings in it are adapting as best they can.

THIS is why and how choiceless choices are made. This is how eighteen years passed before I was able to exit a controlling system.

I think of my friend and colleague Cathrine Moestue, who was asked such a beautiful question by Dr. Robert Caildini*:

How did you manage to leave that environment?

THIS is what I want to know too.

What was the spark that inspired you to look outside of the world you were once bound to?

What did you need to do in order to escape?

These are the kinds of questions that lie at the heart of the upcoming Reclaiming Autonomy Writing Symposium experience. Free from blame and filled with inspiration. A place to connect and receive support and grounded writing advice.

Tickets are available now. You can register today and any day before March 1st and receive the early bird discount of $39. Your ticket includes a recording of all three speaker’s presentations and the panel discussion. For more information: https://www.gerettebuglion.com/symposium

*Cathrine is a psychologist in Oslo, Norway who escaped radicalization. Dr Robert Caildini is a living legend who, like Herbert Simon, has indirectly contributed a wealth of knowledge and research to the cult recovery space.